Humor for Adults
Who Can Handle
Adult Humor

— by Len Kennedy, Esq.

Sesquipedalian Love Song

I’m sick of this infatuation —
I want daily copulation . . .
At least a little reciprocation —
No more unrequited love.

No more midnight masturbation —
No more self-gratification,
Like autoerotic asphyxiation . . .
And anything else that brings elation,
     stimulation —
But never, however, satiation. . . .

I’ve loved you since I was a fetus —
Before my parents named me Cletus,
Before I even had a penis . . .
I swore nothing would come between us.

But over time, the truth be told,
One-sided love gets rather old.
I’m just a fool who loves fool’s gold
(Since I’m obviously not in love with you per se
     but merely an idealized fantasy of you —
     a chimerical mental representation,
     a phantasmagorical Vorstellung —
     that bears no resemblance whatsoever to reality).

I don’t need infatuation —
I need daily copulation.
How ’bout a little reciprocation?
Fuck this unrequited love.

No more midday masturbation —
No more self-gratification,
Like autoerotic asphyxiation . . .
And everything else that brings elation,
     intensification of exhilaration,
     amplification of excitation,
     prolongation of exaltation,
     provocation of intoxication,
     perpetuation of inebriation,
     fomentation of fascination,
     luxuriation in liberation,
     recreation with lubrication,
     variegation of stimulation —
Never, however, finding satiation . . .
Always finding only flustered frustration,
Which can only lead to self-flagellation
And floccinaucinihilipilification.

I be from Mars and you be from Venus —
You be named Bobbie Jo, I be named Cletus . . .
But I still want nothing to come between us
(Except, of course, my average penis).

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Home | LenKen Photo Essay | Part I: Quips & Squibs | Part II: Intermezzo: Bad Poetry for Bad People | Part III: Weird Stories for Weird People | Addendum: The Slapdash Mishmash: A Legacy | Appendage: Short Essays on Long Topics | Preamble: A Brief History of Me | Preface: Freedom of Speech versus Freedom from Speech | Prelude: Maturity versus Immaturity | Prologue: Strength versus Weakness | Prolusion: The Period: Dickens Redux | Quips & Squibs | Universal Rules of Etiquette | A Writer and His Hookers | The Sadistic News Network | Books That Cause a Tingling Sensation in My Left Testicle | Alternative Uses for a Brick | A Calm and Rational Analyis of Winter | Odium | Drivel, Blather, Prattle, and Twaddle | Bad Pick-Up Lines | Bilge, Dreck, Tripe, and Schlock for Schlemiels, Schlimazels, Schmucks, and Schmegegges | Arizona | Chickens | If You Make a Girl Snicker, She May Let You Lick Her | A Lesbian’s Lament | THC | Ode to the Paperboy | Sesquipedalian Love Song | Interview with a Petulant Old Shrew | Interview with a Persnickety, Pugnacious Pedant | A Freak Like Me | I Have Weird Dreams | A Long, Hard Look at Gun Control | Readings in the Cassandra Times | The Infamous Stickflipper | Keeping a Kennedy Tradition Alive | The Stalker | Lucy in the Sky with Dysentery | Beyond God & Devil | Pile of Nothing | How to Quit Smoking and Die Anyway | Epilogue: Quirky Colloquy: A Play in One Act | An Introduction to the Slapdash Mishmash | Poppycock? | Der Klusturfuk der Katzenjammer | The Cowardice of One’s Convictions: Cognitive Dissonance Theory in a Nutshell | Controlling Your Emotions before They Control You: Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy in a Nutshell | Why We Should Be Dying to Live Rather than Living to Die | About the Author | Sign My Guestbook