Humor for Adults
Who Can Handle
Adult Humor

— by Len Kennedy, Esq.

I Have Weird Dreams

Last night, I dreamt that I had traveled from Mars to Venus to go to a party with a gorgeous girl I’d met a week earlier at a Venusian dance club.  Everything was copacetic till we went to a hotel to make love.  You see, my penis was a limousine, but the girl I was with had a sign over her vagina that read, “Compact Cars Only.”

     The next dream started out all right: I was at the public library, and I had a pen for a pizzle, and the beautiful brunette I was with had a blank sheet of paper in place of a pussy.  But, as fate would have it, my pen was out of ink.

     Then, my pen metamorphosed into a 100-watt light bulb, and the woman’s paper became a light socket — but, not surprisingly, I suddenly noticed she was standing in a puddle of water.

     At a pet store in Albuquerque, New Mexico, my wanker morphed into a wiener dog — but, of course, the woman I was about to ask out had a sign over her vulva that read, “No Pets Allowed.”

     Finally — after having been fucked by the fickle finger of fate four times in a row — I found myself in Surprise, Arizona, where I soon met the woman who would become my wife.  My schlong was a black 2005 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Rubicon, and between her thighs was a nice, smooth road with no potholes.  Shortly after the marriage, however, she finally let me leave the lights on when we had sex.  Only then did I notice the sign beside the road between her legs: “Dead End.”

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Home | LenKen Photo Essay | Part I: Quips & Squibs | Part II: Intermezzo: Bad Poetry for Bad People | Part III: Weird Stories for Weird People | Addendum: The Slapdash Mishmash: A Legacy | Appendage: Short Essays on Long Topics | Preamble: A Brief History of Me | Preface: Freedom of Speech versus Freedom from Speech | Prelude: Maturity versus Immaturity | Prologue: Strength versus Weakness | Prolusion: The Period: Dickens Redux | Quips & Squibs | Universal Rules of Etiquette | A Writer and His Hookers | The Sadistic News Network | Books That Cause a Tingling Sensation in My Left Testicle | Alternative Uses for a Brick | A Calm and Rational Analyis of Winter | Odium | Drivel, Blather, Prattle, and Twaddle | Bad Pick-Up Lines | Bilge, Dreck, Tripe, and Schlock for Schlemiels, Schlimazels, Schmucks, and Schmegegges | Arizona | Chickens | If You Make a Girl Snicker, She May Let You Lick Her | A Lesbian’s Lament | THC | Ode to the Paperboy | Sesquipedalian Love Song | Interview with a Petulant Old Shrew | Interview with a Persnickety, Pugnacious Pedant | A Freak Like Me | I Have Weird Dreams | A Long, Hard Look at Gun Control | Readings in the Cassandra Times | The Infamous Stickflipper | Keeping a Kennedy Tradition Alive | The Stalker | Lucy in the Sky with Dysentery | Beyond God & Devil | Pile of Nothing | How to Quit Smoking and Die Anyway | Epilogue: Quirky Colloquy: A Play in One Act | An Introduction to the Slapdash Mishmash | Poppycock? | Der Klusturfuk der Katzenjammer | The Cowardice of One’s Convictions: Cognitive Dissonance Theory in a Nutshell | Controlling Your Emotions before They Control You: Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy in a Nutshell | Why We Should Be Dying to Live Rather than Living to Die | About the Author | Sign My Guestbook